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Ron White
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
- Ron White
#Attention
#Being
#Comfortable
#Go
#Laugh
I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I've always done. That's really where my best stuff comes from. I don't know how it happens. It just happens.
- Ron White
#Always
#Best
#Done
#Happens
#Know
As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.
- Ron White
#Anything
#Funny
#Happen
#Small
#Story
My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I've been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don't really look outside for stories.
- Ron White
#Life
#Look
#My Life
#Problems
#Wild
I don't like to do material people have heard. Now, they like to hear material that they know, because that's the stuff that made me famous, and, unfortunately, I don't do a ton of it.
- Ron White
#Famous
#Know
#Me
#Now
#People
I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy when they were young.
- Ron White
#Always
#Funny
#Level
#Think
#Young
You can tell on-stage when a joke's starting to lose its pop. It doesn't mean people don't want to hear it anymore; it means I don't want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they've never heard.
- Ron White
#Lose
#Mean
#Never
#People
#Want
Don't bring your kids to my show, and I won't come to your house and cuss.
- Ron White
#Bring
#House
#Kids
#Show
#Your
If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I'm not having fun.
- Ron White
#Fun
#Having Fun
#I See
#See
#Words
TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
- Ron White
#Day
#Hate
#Job
#People
#Work
Vegas is famous for a lot of things, and bad marriages are one of them. Margo and I are proof that you can make this work. It just takes a little effort.
- Ron White
#Bad
#Effort
#Famous
#Things
#Work
I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
- Ron White
#Communication
#Positive
#Relationship
I write all of my material. It's all me.
- Ron White
#I Write
#Material
#Me
#Write
There's no such thing as a hit joke.
- Ron White
#Hit
#Joke
#Thing
I write these shows one joke at a time. There's no continuity. I do try to figure an order to the stories, but there's not continuity.
- Ron White
#Continuity
#Joke
#Order
#Time
#Try
If I'm in a town for very long, usually I'll work out in the comedy club just to keep my chops or work out the beats on new stuff.
- Ron White
#Club
#Comedy
#Long
#New
#Work
I just try to keep it fresh without sacrificing funny.
- Ron White
#Fresh
#Funny
#Keep
#Try
#Without
I have a very fun life. I don't recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.
- Ron White
#Been
#Fun
#Life
#Me
#Sure
I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.
- Ron White
#Always
#Closer
#More
#Stage
#Who
My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
- Ron White
#Filthy
#Shows
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don't need my help.
- Ron White
#Clean
#Comedy
#Good
#Own
#World
I don't know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn't have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.
- Ron White
#Day
#Family
#Me
#Pen
#People
I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
- Ron White
#Go
#Mic
#More
#Open
#Than
I don't live under the illusion we don't need a military to protect this country.
- Ron White
#Country
#Illusion
#Live
#Need
#Protect
We always go out looking for live music after our shows.
- Ron White
#Go
#Live Music
#Live
#Looking
#Music
I go through about 140 cities a year.
- Ron White
#About
#Cities
#Go
#Through
#Year
There's no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don't exist.
- Ron White
#Act
#Fire
#No Reason
#People
#Reason
I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
- Ron White
#Always
#Comedian
#Popular
#Wanted
I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
- Ron White
#Chili
#Keep
#Love
#Product
#Spaghetti
It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
- Ron White
#Bill Cosby
#Bill
#Flip
#Records
#Wilson
Movies are boring. It's like watching paint dry. I did a little role in a movie, and it was eight lines. I was there for three days. It's just horrible. Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it's 18 hours of doing not a thing.
- Ron White
#Boring
#Doing
#Movies
#Television
#Three
I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
- Ron White
#Best
#Comedy
#Listening
#More
#Old
I guarantee there's people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
- Ron White
#Complicated
#People
#Show
#Television
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
- Ron White
#Child
#Comedy
#Fan
#Huge Fan
#Huge
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
- Ron White
#Because
#Done
#First
#Jokes
#Know
If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by myself, 'cause it's a little rougher.
- Ron White
#Blue
#Comedy
#Me
#Myself
#See
I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
- Ron White
#Kid
#Laughter
#Listening
#Little
#Loved
Ultimately I'm the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I'm pretty good at helping them get there.
- Ron White
#Call
#Friends
#Good
#Me
#Stuck
When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. It was for drainage purposes. There was not a lot trouble to get into in that ditch. It was ditch activities like catching crawdads and minnows.
- Ron White
#Ditch
#Get
#Like
#Trouble
#Water
Everybody I know is a joke writer.
- Ron White
#Everybody
#Joke
#Know
#Writer
I've gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we're going to see if we can't bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits. I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.
- Ron White
#Brave
#Honor
#Men
#Money
#Women
My goal is just to become a better comedian.
- Ron White
#Become
#Better
#Comedian
#Goal
#Just
I've been married a few times. I'm not good at it.
- Ron White
#Been
#Few
#Good
#Married
#Times
Comedy is great because there's no overhead.
- Ron White
#Because
#Comedy
#Great
#Overhead
All I know how to do is take what's on my mind and spit it out funny. I don't know what else I could do besides comedy.
- Ron White
#Comedy
#Funny
#Know
#Mind
#Take
A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
- Ron White
#Find
#Guess
#Humor
#Laugh
#People
Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.
- Ron White
#Places
#See
#Trouble
#Us
#White
I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
- Ron White
#Get
#Good
#Peers
#Recognition
#Some
I do a lot of gay-friendly stuff in my show, and men, women, they all love it. I practice non-judgment in my daily life and hope other people do the same thing.
- Ron White
#Hope
#Life
#Love
#Men
#Women
The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
- Ron White
#Gets
#Good
#Majestic
#San
#Theatre
If you become famous and don't have a live show to back it up, they're not going to pay you any money.
- Ron White
#Back
#Famous
#Live
#Money
#Pay
That's the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media's radar.
- Ron White
#Beauty
#Being
#Media
#Star
#Stay
Comedy is all about the pause.
- Ron White
#About
#Comedy
#Pause
I still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously.
- Ron White
#Laugh
#Love
#People
#Walk
#Work
There have been times when I played more than others, but I've been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I've always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
- Ron White
#Always
#Golf
#Others
#Road
#Time
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.
- Ron White
#Believe
#Creative
#Everything
#I Believe
It never dawned on me that I had the option of becoming a comedian. I come from a little dirt street town in northwest Texas, and they really don't talk about the arts there much on career day.
- Ron White
#Day
#Me
#Never
#Street
#Talk
My show is more storytelling now than it's ever been. It's what I'm good at.
- Ron White
#Good
#More
#Now
#Show
#Storytelling
Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.
- Ron White
#Blue
#Fine
#Just
#Mother
#She
I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'
- Ron White
#Daughter
#Face
#Man
#Smile
#Talking
I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.
- Ron White
#Comedy
#Fan
#Kid
#Little Kid
#Little
I don't do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil's show. He's a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn't give me any advice. He doesn't give solicited advice.
- Ron White
#Advice
#Friend
#Go
#Me
#Talk
My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I'm very 'preacher-ish' on stage, not by intent but because that's where I learned to talk in front of people.
- Ron White
#Funny
#Go
#People
#Stage
#Talk
The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant.
- Ron White
#Football
#Funny
#Hands
#Know
#Laugh
The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
- Ron White
#Comedy
#Live
#Sharp
#Stay
#Way
People used to say I'm regional, but I'm not... We all have the same human condition.
- Ron White
#Human Condition
#Human
#People
#Say
If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.
- Ron White
#Long
#Look
#Nature
#Success
#Time
I don't think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
- Ron White
#Country
#Fine
#Reason
#Start
#Think
If I'm not in the theatre, I'm in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
- Ron White
#Club
#Comedy
#Doing
#Night
#Trying
I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.
- Ron White
#Doing
#Life
#Long
#Me
#People
I don't do any corporate work.
- Ron White
#Any
#Corporate
#Work
The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.
- Ron White
#Answer
#Fans
#Live
#Show
#Worry
Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
- Ron White
#Anything
#Give
#Live
#Show
#Work
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
- Ron White
#Bad
#Big
#Good
#Rather
#Small
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
- Ron White
#Demons
#Life
#My Life
#Vices
#Years
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
- Ron White
#Anything
#Me
#Never
#Skin
#Want
The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.
- Ron White
#America
#Hardest
#Just
#Turn
#Up
I'm set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it's easy.
- Ron White
#Doing
#Easy
#Make
#Money
#Up
People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
- Ron White
#Force
#Go
#People
#Stage
#Try
Let's face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
- Ron White
#Face
#Happens
#Me
#Road
#Stuff
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
- Ron White
#Bridge
#Build
#People
#Two
#Walk
I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever - plumbers and drywall hangers.
- Ron White
#Doctors
#Get
#Lawyers
#Over
#World
You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
- Ron White
#Brain
#Laugh
#People
#Stage
#Walk
Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it's about. The content's got to be great, but then it's got to be delivered. It's a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
- Ron White
#Great
#Pace
#Rhythm
#Timing
#Work
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
- Ron White
#Believe
#Canvas
#Everything
#I Believe
If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
- Ron White
#Down
#Me
#Mexico
#Sit
#Whatever
I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
- Ron White
#Ask
#Famous
#Me
#More
#Universe
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
- Ron White
#Care
#Laugh
#Love
#Money
#People
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.
- Ron White
#Down
#Ladder
#Long
#Look
#Never
All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.
- Ron White
#Best
#Friends
#Joke
#Some
#World
I pretty much give both barrels every time I walk on stage.
- Ron White
#Both
#Pretty
#Stage
#Time
#Walk
My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
- Ron White
#Comedians
#Guess
#Guy
#Other
#Pet
I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers - doesn't matter if its something my wife hates.
- Ron White
#Act
#I Can
#Matter
#New
#Wife
I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.
- Ron White
#Car
#Dialogue
#Four
#New
#Only
#Role
I've been offered starring roles in horrible movies, but I just didn't want to do it. I don't see why you would.
- Ron White
#Horrible
#Just
#Movies
#See
#Want
#Why
My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
- Ron White
#Chili
#Favorite
#Hot
#Peppers
#Red
As long as I stay engaged with everybody else, then I'll create more comedy. It's just when I shut off and stay at home... What helps me is just to keep moving.
- Ron White
#Comedy
#Home
#Keep Moving
#Long
#Me
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
- Ron White
#Back
#Dad
#Driving
#Houston
#Old
Any time someone achieves success before they've earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.
- Ron White
#Always
#Back
#Someone
#Success
#Time
A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That's just like heaven to me. I'm a simple man.
- Ron White
#Heaven
#Man
#Me
#Restaurant
#Simple
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