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Pat Paulsen
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#Tags
A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?
- Pat Paulsen
#Down
#Gun
#Necessity
#Street
#Walking
The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.
- Pat Paulsen
#Down
#Life
#Long
#My Life
#Ride
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
- Pat Paulsen
#Candidate
#I Am
#Man
#Romantic
#Song
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
- Pat Paulsen
#Every
#Fool
#Monkey
#People
#Time
We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass.
- Pat Paulsen
#Go
#Pass
#Remember
#Time
#Will
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
- Pat Paulsen
#Bag
#Good
#Paper
#Top
#Wine
The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
- Pat Paulsen
#Cause
#Fires
#Forest
#Trees
Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'
- Pat Paulsen
#Day
#Great
#Hell
#Live
#Me
The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
- Pat Paulsen
#Government
#Half
#Lose
#Service
#Your
I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
- Pat Paulsen
#Am
#I Am
#Left
#Nor
#Right
As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
- Pat Paulsen
#Ahead
#Always
#Future
#Lies
#Said
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
- Pat Paulsen
#Alive
#Find
#Me
#Vote
#Want
Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
- Pat Paulsen
#Blame
#Cheap
#Political
#Politician
#Try
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
- Pat Paulsen
#American
#Face
#Policy
#Problems
#Today
Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
- Pat Paulsen
#Control
#Country
#Fly
#Left
#Right
I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
- Pat Paulsen
#Now
#Standards
#Up
#Yours
We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.
- Pat Paulsen
#Course
#Fear
#Itself
#Nothing
It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
- Pat Paulsen
#Campaigning
#Hands
#Shaking
#Tough
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