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Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?
- Jon Stewart
#Action
#Looking
#Need
#Point
#Work
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.
- Jon Stewart
#Golf
#Know
#Legal
#Man
#Ride
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
- Jon Stewart
#Battle
#Culture
#Freedom
#Just
#Tyranny
Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?
- Jon Stewart
#Go
#Hungry
#Smart
#Something
#Why
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
- Jon Stewart
#Greatest
#Insomnia
#Inspiration
There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
- Jon Stewart
#Character
#Friends
#Jury
#People
#Web
I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
- Jon Stewart
#Boy
#Dreams
#Feelings
#Just
#Like
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
- Jon Stewart
#Good Work
#Good
#Hope
#Look
#Work
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.
- Jon Stewart
#Gun
#Looking
#Potential
#Smoking
#Weapon
The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
- Jon Stewart
#Best
#Internet
#Look
#Man
#Vote
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
- Jon Stewart
#Group
#He
#Rest
#World
#Yesterday
I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
- Jon Stewart
#Late-Night
#Ride
#Short
#Talk
#Two
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
- Jon Stewart
#American
#Freedom
#Liberty
#September
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
- Jon Stewart
#Enough
#Handle
#Joke
#Strong
#Your
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
- Jon Stewart
#Adult
#Body
#Born
#Character
#Head
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
- Jon Stewart
#Always
#Canada
#Country
#Days
#Two
I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.
- Jon Stewart
#Born
#City
#Great
#I Was Born
#New
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
- Jon Stewart
#Because
#Great
#Ruin
#Scratch
#Someone
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
- Jon Stewart
#Classroom
#Internet
#Passing
#World
I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.
- Jon Stewart
#Back
#Everything
#Look
#Proud
#Work
If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
- Jon Stewart
#Being
#Hobbies
#Stick
#Values
#Your
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
- Jon Stewart
#Everyone
#Feast
#House
#Land
#Old-Fashioned
#Thanksgiving
#Way
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