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Artie Lange
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When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.
- Artie Lange
#Clay
#Dice
#Political
#Right Time
#Time
All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
- Artie Lange
#Find
#I Can
#Purpose
#Valley
#Way
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
- Artie Lange
#Drink
#Moderation
#Point
#Sometimes
#You
Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.
- Artie Lange
#Air
#Look
#Master
#Past
#Road
Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be.
- Artie Lange
#Know
#Life
#Peak
#Tall
#Understand
Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.
- Artie Lange
#Artie
#Ever
#Going
#Wants
When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through.
- Artie Lange
#Good
#Life
#Live
#Space
#Time
I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
- Artie Lange
#I Am
#Life
#Live
#My Life
#Stability
When I became a standup comic, my hero, one of them, was Richard Pryor, and you know, I think that comedians, like, comedians talk about hacks, and what a hack is, is someone who does stuff that's not original.
- Artie Lange
#Comic
#Hero
#Know
#Someone
#Talk
The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons.
- Artie Lange
#Dumb
#People
#Smart People
#Smart
#Time
Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
- Artie Lange
#Comedy
#Happiness
#Sadness
#Same
#Time
Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
- Artie Lange
#Death
#Me
#Predict
#Talk
#Websites
I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'
- Artie Lange
#Funny
#God
#People
#Person
#Time
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
- Artie Lange
#Comedians
#Funny
#Happen
#Just
#People
You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'
- Artie Lange
#Book
#Gambling
#Know
#Sports
#Walking
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