Mitch Hedberg - Quote - Quotes.gg

Quotes.gg

Home
Tags
Terms and Conditions
Privacy Policy
Imprint

Made by Last Media

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

- Mitch Hedberg

#Fix #Joke #Last #New #Words

Popular Posts

#Tags

Sanely applied advertising could remake the world. - Stuart Chase

People don't really know, before we debuted on TV as The New Day, we did shows on the weekends at the live events for maybe six months as The New Day just so we could get our chemistry down and see what works in the ring, what didn't. - Xavier Woods

I wasn't an Uncle Tom and I never was gonna be. - Rocky Johnson

I need to get hit in the face. I need to get dropped hard before I can really circle the wagons and proceed. It breaks you out of being complacent, of being in your comfort zone. - Mojo Rawley

Wrestling means a lot to me, so I think I'm always going to have the anxious excitement right before I go out the curtain. - Tenille Dashwood

It was two and a half years that I was down in Ohio Valley Wrestling. It's been a big part of my life now in the sense that I love that period of my life so much. It was like my college years. - Maria Kanellis

Everything is so fresh in WWE, it's hard to take it all in sometimes. I get moments when I'm riding the road late at night, and I get to reflect on my thoughts a little bit. - Braun Strowman

Rest in peace, King Kong Bundy. - Sean Waltman

I'm loving life, making money doing what I love to do, making good money and living comfortably. I drive a corvette and live in L.A., baby! - Eli Drake

At the Cruiserweight Classic finale, I said... I don't know if people had looked it up, or if they had heard it before, but it was an old Zen proverb. 'Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, you chop wood, carry water.' It can be interpreted a lot of ways, but for the most part it's about staying in the moment. - T. J. Perkins

There are no tough guys in wrestling. - Randy Savage

There is no creative process to come up with a character of Dean Ambrose. - Dean Ambrose

No sport is easy, if you spend time away it will be difficult to make a comeback. - Geeta Phogat

Nevertheless the meaning is not that the blessed bread which is divided, which is offered, and which the apostles received from the hand of Christ was not the body of Christ but becomes the body of Christ when the eating of it is begun. - Martin Chemnitz

The Islamic method of waging war is not to kill innocent civilians, but it was Christians in World War II who bombed innocent civilians in Dresden and dropped the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima, neither of which were military targets. - Feisal Abdul Rauf

Each person is responsible only for his or her own sins. Even the Christian doctrine of 'original sin' does not mean that humans are punished for the sin of the first human pair but, rather, that humans seem inevitably to copy the sin of the first human pair. - David Novak

Christianity provides a unified answer for the whole of life. - Francis Schaeffer

It certainly is the duty of every true Christian, to esteem himself a stranger and pilgrim in this world; and as bound to use earthly blessings, not as means of satisfying lust or gratifying wantonness, but of supplying his absolute wants and necessities. - Johann Arndt

The Roosevelt enactment of Social Security was a moral revolution in our country: We were assured that we would never reach the very depths of poverty. And to be told, that we are now going to gamble it, on Wall Street, is nonsense! - Arthur Hertzberg

Vulgar and common persons, as they carry nothing out of this world, so they leave nothing in it: they receive no eminency in their birth, they acquire none in their life, they have none when they die, they leave none at their death. - John Pearson

There are versions of the pro-gay and anti-gay agenda that assume a simplistic rather than simple understanding of the issue - at least from a biblical perspective. Reject it or embrace it: that's the easy choice that makes for great sound-bites but ruins lives. - Michael Horton

For we can affirm with a good conscience that we have, after reading the Holy Scripture, applied ourselves and yet daily apply ourselves to the extent that the grace of the Lord permits to inquiry into and investigation of the consensus of the true and purer antiquity. - Martin Chemnitz

I remain attached to my nation. - Lionel Jospin

In politics, being ridiculous is more damaging than being extreme. - Roy Hattersley

Two hundred years ago, our precursors in Haiti struck a blow for freedom, which was heard around the world, and across centuries. - Baldwin Spencer

Do you think Revolutions are made with rose water? - Francis Bond Head

We have a country that is in a very delicate situation. - Ezer Weizman

I took charge of the government as per my commitment to serving the country and the people, and not out of any greed for yet another post. - Khil Raj Regmi

We hope that through these trade arrangements, through collaboration in training, in manpower development, and what have you, ASEAN in, say, ten years' time, will be a very different ASEAN. - Sellapan Ramanathan

The known propensity of a democracy is to licentiousness which the ambitious call, and the ignorant believe to be liberty. - Fisher Ames

I cannot accept a divide between Malagasy people and a civil war. - Andry Rajoelina

We are a vibrant first-world country, but we have a humbling third-world memory. - Mary McAleese

So at the end of the day, our number 1 goal, our top priority, is to motivate American youngsters to reject the abuse of illegal drugs, tobacco and alcohol. All three of them are illegal behaviors. - Barry McCaffrey

#End Of The Day

I wasn't going to leave my men, and they were going to protect me. - James McCloughan

However, I think, first of all, that what's happening in Sierra Leone is going to have the great influence on those governments who will be asked to provide forces to the Congo. Second, of course, the Security Council has no professional military advice organized in any way. - Alex Morrison

I got this letter asking me if I wanted to or if I would consider going to experimental test pilot school and becoming the first Negro astronaut and I thought it was crazy. - Ed Dwight

Everything starts and finishes with the soldier. - Mike Jackson

But I would make it unambiguously clear that we are going to withdraw, and if Iraq falls into civil war and if all these unhappy things occur, we're just going to have to accept them. - William Odom

I can take just about anyone and make them physically strong. - Howard E. Wasdin

I gave my parole once, and it has been shamefully violated by the British Government; I shall not give another to people on whom no faith can be reposed. - Christopher Gadsden

During the engagement I tried to throw a strong force through the canon, but I was obliged to use it elsewhere before it had gotten to the supposed location of the village. - George Crook

When you try to find funding for a VVA function, it doesn't seem like it's any trouble at all. People come out of the woodwork with their money to help out because we went over and fought a war. - R. Lee Ermey

When we parted I had written everything for the group. My leaving sort of evened things out within the group. - Syd Barrett

I always knew that I wanted to be creative, that I wanted to create something. - Maynard James Keenan

My main objective is to introduce students to dance and the other arts, not necessarily for them to pursue, but as a method of discipline. When they learn to apply themselves freely they can learn to enjoy themselves and apply that tool of discipline to other interests. - Paula Kelly

But you know, I really like to present the songs on an album as a story, as something thematic, rather than something you'd put on a random shuffle. - Pegi Young

I don't sing beautifully or grandly or in a very 'moving' way. I am me - which is not very beautiful at times, and not very organised or regular. - Netta Barzilai

Once we realized what happened to Boney M., we wanted to come to the States. In Europe, artists just don't have the same protection they do over here. - Rob Pilatus

A lot of people got to know me through Korean TV. - Henry Lau

Meditation is the bridge that helps connect you with your inner self. I believe that quietude also makes one more creative. - Jubin Nautiyal

#I Believe That

I don't remember ever not wanting to be a country singer. Even as a little kid, that was my dream. - Keith Whitley

In the first Spider-Man, at the end of the movie, Peter Parker had to deny himself a relationship with a girl that he's in love with. The very next thing that happens is that he's swinging through the city. - John Dykstra

Theories come and go, but fundamental data always remain the same. - Mary Leakey

As a physician, I'm somewhat an advocate of patients. How come, before Mike Webster, no NFL player was told or knew that there was an intrinsic risk of brain damage from playing football? - Bennet Omalu

Science requires speculation, creativity, and wild ideas. - Debra Fischer

Classifying the stars has helped materially in all studies of the structure of the universe. - Annie Jump Cannon

Historically, royal families have represented an institution. The institution is built on heritage, and is timeless in that sense. - Frederik, Crown Prince of Denmark

Overfishing, global warming and pollution are destroying the ocean. - Victoria, Crown Princess of Sweden

#Global Warming

I love to dress up. You have to have a sense of fun in life, too. We can all be serious and work and do our bit, but every now and again you have to have a good giggle. - Marie-Chantal Claire

Unfortunately in sport it's either good or bad. You've got to take the highs and the lows. - Zara Phillips

I hope I will be able to paint as long as I live. - Margrethe II of Denmark

Eventing is way too dangerous. People get killed every year doing cross-country. - Charlotte Casiraghi

No one is going to try to fill my mother's shoes, what she did was fantastic. It's about making your own future and your own destiny and Kate will do a very good job of that. - Prince William

All I want to do is make my mother incredibly proud. That's all I've ever wanted to do. - Prince Harry

We've had different genres within our genre for so long that people just fail to realize that it's going to keep repeating and we're watching the cycle repeat again. - Ahmad Balshe

I used to be on the Internet a lot, so all my friends on the Internet were from California. - YBN Nahmir

One of my friends is serving 33 years. Armed robbery. Those are the things you should rap about. I don't think you should glorify it at all. I don't really glorify it. I just talk about it. There's nothing special about that life. - Goldlink

When Run-DMC came to the club, we saw how simple their show was - wasn't even a 10-minute show - and we, like, looked at each other and said, 'We can make records.' - DJ Yella

There are too many fakes in the game, and I try to keep my family away from that. - MC Ren

Well, I was doing platinum albums back-to-back with Jive when they were the hottest hip-hop label. There was a time when Jive made a lot more money than Def Jam. They had KRS-One, Too $hort, E-40, Mystikal, UGK and Keith Murray. They had Will Smith when he was still the Fresh Prince. - Too Short

I use my music to kind of lead my feelings. I feel like if I make a happier sound, I will be happier. - Lil Tracy

I just change with the times. I really don't have a say in what's going on. Music was here before me. - Snoop Dogg

If you've got a plan, it's not just like a pipe dream. You have a step-by-step list of things to do to get to your goal. - Nipsey Hussle

I bring nothing but love and joy to everything I do when it comes to this music... I just want to see people smile more when they see me instead of reading my name and getting a preconception of what I am. - Ahmad Balshe

Mac Miller is my best friend in the industry. - Goldlink

Dre was a person who could see ahead of the beat. He could see the beat before it was even there. He's like a rare person. Very rare. - DJ Yella

Let everything fall wherever it's going to fall. - MC Ren

If Too $hort and Freddy B DJed your party, you were gonna get a rap show during the party. - Too Short

'Shame,' really it was about people from my hometown who just spread hate about me and just aren't nice to me. And I just felt like that was a shame, so that's really what that stems from. - Lil Tracy

When I found out that I had a baby on the way it changed my mind and my whole way of thinking. I knew I needed to change and be a better person for my daughter. - NLE Choppa

'Victory Lap,' even the title. It's the accumulation of trial and error; that's what I represent; trial and error. - Nipsey Hussle

I don't like the term 'global warming,' because it's misleading. It implies something that's mainly about temperature, that's gradual, and that's uniform across the planet. And in fact, temperature is only one of the things that's changing. - John Holdren

#Global Warming

Television is a golden goose that lays scrambled eggs; and it is futile and probably fatal to beat it for not laying caviar. Anyway, more people like scrambled eggs than caviar. - Lee Loevinger

Whether you are talking about cardiac care or education, the fundamental question is: How do you provide it for everyone? - Thulasiraj Ravilla

The White House doesn't create jobs. The government together - White House, Congress - creates policies that allow for greater job creation. - Jay Carney

When you shoot for big stuff, you stay true to the movement. You fight unapologetically on the inside; that is a very, very powerful way to pass the radical solutions that are necessary to face the radical problems that you have. - Saikat Chakrabarti

One of the reasons I continue to speak out is that the solutions to the counterterrorism problem involve other parts of the national security community - especially other elements of the Department of Defense, State, FBI, Homeland Security and the staff. - John Poindexter

I'm a person who's always been interested in politics and thought it was a very noble occupation. - Maggie Williams

Entrepreneurs and innovators across the country are developing and deploying new data-powered IT tools to help clinicians succeed at delivering better care at lower cost. - Todd Park

All that Tim Kaine has is to try to convince people that conservatives are racist - and you know what, people are smarter than that. - Corey Stewart

That is what happened in 2010. The administration and the leadership of the Republicans thought, 'Well, we're making a deal together; we're showing the world things can be done in a bi-partisan way. We're extending all our tax cuts for two years.' - Austan Goolsbee

As I've said repeatedly, Republicans are very good at describing things in black and white; Democrats are very good at describing the 11 shades of gray. - Joseph C. Wilson

#Black And White

There is no priority higher than the prevention of terrorism. - John Ashcroft

I think you can go back in history and look at what the effect in Asia and the world was of a divided, fractured China from, you know, the opium wars through the Chinese civil war, and I don't think it was pretty for Asia or the world. - Dennis C. Blair

No amount of humanitarian assistance can protect people from being attacked. - Jan Egeland

Sometimes my quotes may be too colorful. - Earl Butz

We're always looking at science as it evolves. - Theresa Tam

There's a wider agenda that speaks to what the Democratic Party has historically stood for, which are economic rights for those who are struggling in the middle class, concern for the poor, for economic justice for those who are marginalized in our society. - Mike McCurry

I don't like this kind of life where every month you are faced with some kind of a coup. - Jejomar Binay

We've certainly learned a lot of lessons from Katrina, from Rita. Rita was better than Katrina. We're doing a better job planning. We're closer - more closely aligned with the Department of Defense. These things would be positive things if we were to have another attack. - Michael Chertoff

Your experience on this site will be improved by allowing cookies.